60% of you are going to be disappointed with the lack of boobies in this post.

We’re all on a mission of some sort.

For some, their mission is to become a better person, or donate more money to charity. For others, it’s to get to that booger that’s way in the back and has gotten all hard and pointy. Other people are trying to see how many times they can scratch their butt in public without being caught. (“I’m up to five, bro! Up top!”) Some people in my community are on a mission to see how many years they can shun the dentist and still keep that one tooth in the front. I know someone who calls it Chomper. Still, others are on a mission to make all teachers seem to be the human reincarnation of Satan in our country. There’s a reason I remain anonymous on here. (Oh no, she di’int just get on a political soapbox on a humor blog! *z-snap*)

Anyway, the point is, we all have a mission in life.

Chances are, you came to this blog on a mission for porn.

You see, I have a slight obsession with checking my stats. In the past week, about 60% of my hits were referred from a Google Images search. Nearly all of those image searches include the name “Jenna Marbles” and some sort of body part or adjective. Just look:

This list makes me proud to be a woman. I mean, instead of searches for “jenna marbles smart” or “jenna marbles funny,” we have searches for her full body, boobs, under wear (btdubs, it’s one word, you horny moron), and legs. As Jenna has stated in her “How To Get Ready For A Date” vlog, we’re all sexual objects, anyway. We shouldn’t try to be interesting, or intelligent, or wear anything that won’t show off our “sweater puppies.”

So, go ahead, you 15 year old perverts. Keep searching for “jenna marbles hot” and “jenna marbles boobies” (Yeah, I got that one today. They can’t be any older than 14 for that big boy wording). Continue to type things like “moms cleavage” into your Google search box.

Wait.

Back up the freaking Oedipal train.

Someone was searching for moms cleavage and found my blog?? And I thought I had issues. I bet they were really disappointed when they clicked here. This is probably the same kind of kid who was breastfeeding until age 6. Ah, mom’s cleavage. Makes me feel so cuddly, warm and safe. Amirite???? (And covered in baby powder.)

So, thanks to the 10% of you who actually stop by and read. To the other 90% of you, keep searching for your porn. I admire someone who has perseverance. I hope you achieve your goal. (Crossed the line?)

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About Facetious Firecracker

I observe the world and say what everyone is thinking, but is too afraid to say.

Posted on August 5, 2011, in Humor, Really?? and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. hahah this is so funny.i got hairy midget girls the other day on my search stats!

  2. Seeing how people found my blog through word search is the best part of my day!

  3. I feel like you picked the photo with the bat just for me. You’re mean. = [

  4. Tinkerbelle86: I had to go see for myself. Clearly, they’re wanting something from you. You’d better deliver the goods.

    BTFAB: I concur.

    Nicky: It wants to give you a wet, sloppy bat kiss. Don’t be a prude. After all, Obama’s about to give you free contraceptives. No worries, now.

  5. felt like postin

    Hey, im a dude and all i gotta say is “lul wut?”

    if it makes u feel better i did a search for boob size of jenna marbles to try to make my gf feel better bout her knockers. And i dont mean to be a douche canoe on ur blog, but it really shouldn’t bug any woman that a guy is lookin for nudy pics on the web, its a natural thing for young males to be horny…. and stupid.

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