An Open Letter to the Red Truck On My Road

English: Steve Olliges and the Team Ford Troph...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Red Truck,

We passed one another on my way home today. You probably didn’t notice; you drive a big truck and I drive a mere car. I saw you coming toward me on the one-and-a-half lane road while I was still far from you. I didn’t worry about it. Every day I pass people on my road and it’s quite uneventful.

As we careened toward each other, I noticed that you didn’t leave the middle of the road. That’s still ok. People do that all the time and get on their side of the road with plenty of time to spare. However, you never felt the need to do that.

Look, I get it. You’re bigger than me. Your truck cost more than what I make teaching for an entire year, so you dare me to hit you. My little car would be plowed into a pancake.

So, I chose to drive with two wheels off the road, rather than smashing into you. It’s cool. A little adrenaline rush from driving through gravel and dirt at 50 mph is good for you once in a while.

Now that I think of it, I’m pretty sure we’ve met before. You’re probably the guy who forced me to drive in the berm the other day because you refused to create any space for me when I was merging. Also, you might be the guy who squeezed between another car and me, then passed a truck on the right while it was already getting into the right lane to let you pass. You drove into the berm at 75 mph anyway and almost caused a multiple vehicle pile-up.

You know what would be even more fun next time? We should play chicken. Let’s both drive in the middle of the road with the pedal to the floor.

Or, even better: let’s go to the gas station, fill up, and drive until we run out. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Suck my MPG.

Kisses,

Facetious Firecracker

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About Facetious Firecracker

I observe the world and say what everyone is thinking, but is too afraid to say.

Posted on October 25, 2012, in Humor, Rants and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Hahaha! Love this. I hate when people put enormous tires on their normal-sized cars, too. It just screams “The South Will Rise Again!” to me.

  2. At the end of the end, ALWAYS use your superior MPG as a last resort. Works every single time. 😉 Thanks for the laughs this morning (in my part of the world).

  3. LMAO @ Katie’s comment! But tell me: did the truck have either Yosemite Sam or stripper mudflaps?

  4. Ha! This rules so much! I remember when I heard they stopped making the Hummer and asking my husband, in a confused and distraught manner, now how are we gonna spot douchebags, on the road!

  5. Haha, nice! I mean, HE’S a jerk, but go you, “suck my MPG.” Lol.

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