My Dumb Phone Isn’t That Dumb

Everyone under the age of 30 who doesn’t have a smart phone, raise your hand!

No, seriously, guys. Why am I the only one with my hand up? Let’s try this again. No jokesters this time. Still me? Crap.


Alone (Photo credit: JB London)

I started thinking about this while I was eating lunch in the teacher’s lounge last week. As I looked around the table, every one of my colleagues had their smart phone either in their hands or on the table. My sister has a smart phone as a substitute for internet service. I even had a fifth grade boy ask me to hold his phone for him last week, and to my dismay, I noticed that I was holding a phone nicer and newer than my own.

My phone is somewhere in the middle ground between those Jitterbugs on the commercials during The Price Is Right and a smart phone. It has a keyboard and a touch screen, and even internet access. However, it likes to randomly shut off if I click on any links when checking my Facebook and the touch screen isn’t nearly as sensitive as it should be.

I went through a phase earlier this year when my phone wouldn’t load any web pages. Coincidentally enough, it was exactly when my contract was up and I was due for an upgrade. I went to my Verizon store to see if they could fix the problem. My Samsung Rogue wasn’t even two years old yet, so I figured it was a software upgrade issue. I couldn’t believe my ears when they said my phone was no longer supported. Instead of helping me, they gave me a sales pitch to get me to upgrade to a smart phone. My monthly bill would have increased by about $100.

I basically told them to suck their smart phone and fix the problem with the current phone, which they were eyeballing like a geriatric. No dice. So, I left.

Over the next month, I was inundated with phone calls, texts, and emails from Verizon, all of which begged me to pretty please give up all of my disposable income for a phone which would enable me to do little more than what my current phone does, but for twice the cost. Like a Catholic teen, I continued to resist temptation.


This is looking more tempting every day.(Photo credit: Gustavo da Cunha Pimenta)

After about two months of constantly refreshing my web pages and dealing with the “Network Connection Lost” message, my connection magically began working again. Verizon finally must have gotten the message.

And now because I love lists, here is a list of all the things I could buy each month, rather than paying for a smart phone:

1. 100 items from the dollar bin at Target

2. 20 grande lattes from Starbucks

3. 10 albums from iTunes

4. 2 pairs of shoes

5. 100 boxes of Spongebob shaped Mac & Cheese

6. 27 gallons of gas

7. 3 or 4 meals at a decent restaurant with Husband

8. 2 professional massages

9. Pay 100 people a dollar to read this blog

10. Several apps. Oh, wait.



About Facetious Firecracker

I observe the world and say what everyone is thinking, but is too afraid to say.

Posted on November 12, 2012, in Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 34 Comments.

  1. I’ve had the same phone for four years, a cheap ZTE Trac phone I bought at Fred Meyers. No camera, no music or games, but it does all the things I want: I can call people and, more importantly, I can hang up on people. If anyone needs to get hold of me THAT badly, they know where to find me. If they can’t? I probably don’t WANT them to find me…

  2. I have a prehistoric prepaid piece o’ crap cell phone. It does nothing. Well, I can talk on it. I don’t even do that much, to be honest. Sometimes when I’m in a social situation and everyone around me pulls out their smart phones and starts mindlessly pressing buttons, I feel so left out. I’ve actually pretended to use my phone like I was part of the in crowd….head down, thumbs flying, eyes glazed over. I am soooo uncool, dude.

  3. Good for you…those things are so overpriced anyway. And smart phones aren’t really THAT smart. If they were so smart, they would have an awesome battery life. I got one for the first time really, just to see what the fuss is about. If my next phone is a dumb phone, I won’t mind so much.

  4. I don’t have a cell phone at all. I am tempted to dust off my son’s Cheerio phone and tuck it in my purse. I may not be able to access the interwebz, but all I do is press a button and hey, look! Cheerios!

  5. I agree that smartphones are completely overpriced. I never sought after one but one decided to fall into my lap anyways because my dad thought I should get with the times. Not sure if that was meant as a kindly insult. In any case, I still don’t use my smartphone as often as I think society unofficially requires me to.

  6. I have an older Blackberry with Virgin Mobile prepaid service, which was a lot cheaper than most standard monthly contracts…except I hardly used it, let it lapse, didn’t top up my minutes, and I hear that Blackberry is going out of business like, tomorrow anyways…now I use it to tell the time with.

  7. Your phone sounds cool. All mine does is call numbers because I continue to live in 1999.

  8. Uh, is this when I raise my hand to join the numbers of people below age 30 who DON’T have a smart phone? Because while I’d love to have a nice, shiny, new phone, I’d rather not spend all that money on it. That saved money can go to diesel.

  9. “Like a Catholic teen, I continued to resist temptation.”

    This blog is genius.

  10. I pay $25 a month for the service on my Droid. Go Virgin mobile . *Fist pump*

    • I have an Android phone on booostmobile’s pre-paid unlimited data, text, and voice plan. It costs $55, and they use Sprint’s cell network for coverage. I previously was a hold-out for a good, old fashioned, plain cell phone on AT&T. I’ve now been converted to month-to-month, no contract plans: Cheaper, similar coverage, and no extra fees. The only downside is you have to pay the full cost of your phone, instead of having the contract subsidize part of it.

      MetroPCS and Virgin have similar plans.

      However, I do believe in conversing with real people while in the room with them, instead of bonding with my smartphone. For all my smartphone’s intelligence, it’s not very witty.

  11. You need to get that phone in the picture. That is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like a little futuristic pebble with the ability to make phonecalls. Who wouldn’t want that?

  12. I’m actually thinking about going back to a dumbphone. I want to get one of the Nokia 206s. Those look nice.

    Actually, I flirted with several dumbphones this year, after I got frustrated with my Android device(which I am using now for the time being… ¬_¬), and I have to say, I enjoyed those times more than with my smartphone.

  13. The Offbeat Oddity

    I’m a college student, I have a basic phone with no data plan. When I first came to school, everyone had an iPhone- and I felt like a caveman. However, I bought a tablet instead of getting a smartphone, WiFi is free at school- why pay for internet on my tiny phone when I can get something I can actually read on? I live on the middle of nowhere, so WiFi is difficult to find, but I’ve learned to deal. It’s not a necessity. I can relate to basic phones though, we’re a dying breed.

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