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My Dumb Phone Isn’t That Dumb

Everyone under the age of 30 who doesn’t have a smart phone, raise your hand!

No, seriously, guys. Why am I the only one with my hand up? Let’s try this again. No jokesters this time. Still me? Crap.


Alone (Photo credit: JB London)

I started thinking about this while I was eating lunch in the teacher’s lounge last week. As I looked around the table, every one of my colleagues had their smart phone either in their hands or on the table. My sister has a smart phone as a substitute for internet service. I even had a fifth grade boy ask me to hold his phone for him last week, and to my dismay, I noticed that I was holding a phone nicer and newer than my own.

My phone is somewhere in the middle ground between those Jitterbugs on the commercials during The Price Is Right and a smart phone. It has a keyboard and a touch screen, and even internet access. However, it likes to randomly shut off if I click on any links when checking my Facebook and the touch screen isn’t nearly as sensitive as it should be.

I went through a phase earlier this year when my phone wouldn’t load any web pages. Coincidentally enough, it was exactly when my contract was up and I was due for an upgrade. I went to my Verizon store to see if they could fix the problem. My Samsung Rogue wasn’t even two years old yet, so I figured it was a software upgrade issue. I couldn’t believe my ears when they said my phone was no longer supported. Instead of helping me, they gave me a sales pitch to get me to upgrade to a smart phone. My monthly bill would have increased by about $100.

I basically told them to suck their smart phone and fix the problem with the current phone, which they were eyeballing like a geriatric. No dice. So, I left.

Over the next month, I was inundated with phone calls, texts, and emails from Verizon, all of which begged me to pretty please give up all of my disposable income for a phone which would enable me to do little more than what my current phone does, but for twice the cost. Like a Catholic teen, I continued to resist temptation.


This is looking more tempting every day.(Photo credit: Gustavo da Cunha Pimenta)

After about two months of constantly refreshing my web pages and dealing with the “Network Connection Lost” message, my connection magically began working again. Verizon finally must have gotten the message.

And now because I love lists, here is a list of all the things I could buy each month, rather than paying for a smart phone:

1. 100 items from the dollar bin at Target

2. 20 grande lattes from Starbucks

3. 10 albums from iTunes

4. 2 pairs of shoes

5. 100 boxes of Spongebob shaped Mac & Cheese

6. 27 gallons of gas

7. 3 or 4 meals at a decent restaurant with Husband

8. 2 professional massages

9. Pay 100 people a dollar to read this blog

10. Several apps. Oh, wait.